


Shelter

by thehistoryofeverything



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of homophobia, mentions of self harm, sugary sweet ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 07:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehistoryofeverything/pseuds/thehistoryofeverything
Summary: You knew you couldn't deal with it on your own, but if someone wanted to help you, you refused it, but she's determined





	

**Author's Note:**

> shelter from port robinson and madeon is a good song, i finished jaehee's route a while back and almost cried. Please let me know if I need to add anymore tags to this, I want everyone to feel safe reading this.

     It hurt. That aching feeling. How would you even describe it? Maybe… it’s like falling, falling and waiting to hit the ground but you just keep falling and falling and falling… Having to feel like that, it sucks. It was hard to deal with and even harder to control. 

     It was impossible to control your emotions. Some days you felt like you were on cloud nine and nothing could hurt you. Other days, it felt like everything was out to get you, or every little mistake make you want to break down and snap at everyone or cry at any minor inconvenience, like when you couldn’t fold a sheet as well as Jaehee did and you almost threw it out of the window of your shared apartment. Right now, you felt stressed out over everything and you didn’t want to bother Jaehee or the other RFA members with the concerns and worries you had so you bottled it up. It felt painful to hold it in…. 

     The bed felt so comfy. You didn’t want to leave it, maybe today would just be a ‘stay in bed for the entire day’ day. Jaehee would worry you’re not taking care of yourself though, she always did anytime it felt like one of those days. You ended up not leaving the bed. It felt like too much energy and you didn’t want to deal with anything or anyone, Jaehee was going to be worried sick when she came home, that was a guarantee for sure.

     “I’m home,” her voice sang out, it was always melodic to hear it. She left to open the shop at 10 a.m, it was now 6:30 p.m. You were still asleep when she left so she worked on her own, and it made you feel worse. She came into the room and asked if you had eaten anything today, you didn’t want to answer that. Have you even left the bed at all? You can’t remember at all.

You tried to avoid her question by pretending you were still asleep, unfortunately, she saw right through that. “Y/N,” she said. You kept pretending. “Y/N, stop pretending, I know you're awake, please answer my question,” she repeated. You sighed and sat up, your hair was sticking everywhere, dark circles underneath your eyes despite all the sleep you claim to be getting. Bleary eyes trying to focus back into real life.

     It was bright in the room. You blinked a couple of times to try to help get used to the brightness and help regain focus. You looked around your room, you convinced Jaehee to let you have separate rooms so she could stay neat and organized meanwhile you cleaned maybe once every three months. You even tried to clean your room once every two weeks but you never had the energy or moods for it. There was dirty clothes overflowing the basket, dirty dishes covering your desk with them pushed to the side for space for your laptop, wires all over your floor. You gave a sleepy, confused look at Jaehee, wondering how she can get through this mess while you trip over something every time you leave bed. 

     “Jaehee,” you started off with, “How are you able to stand me?” 

     She gave you a concerned look, “Y/N, what do you mean by that,” she asked. You rubbed your old scars and brought your blanket closer to you to try to cover up your new ones. You brushed off her gentle hand by claiming you were just cold

     “I’m not really useful. I mean, I’m a huge mess, I sleep all day and stay up all night, my room a huge mess compared to yours, I leave you to do all the work in the bakery some days, I can’t take care of myself, so how have you managed to stay after all this time?” 

     She stared at you for a minute. You got ready to fall back underneath the blanket and try not to cry before she grabbed your arm and had you leave bed and go out to the living room. She saw the new scars and gave a worried glance and tried to say something before you tried to pull away from her. She tightened her grip but not to the point where you would feel hurt by it. “Y/N. . . why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you think this is the only way to make yourself feel better?”

     You bit your lip, pulling the dead skin from it as you kept trying avoid her question. Panic rising in your body. You rubbed at the scars, to the point where the skin around the forming scabs was starting to bruise and the scabs themselves were ready to fall off from all the rubbing on them. Jaehee grabbed your hands and pulled them away from your arms. You tried to pull away again, looking around for an escape route or some place where you could hide.   
“Y/N, if you need help, please tell me, I’m here for you and I want to help you out as best I care deeply for you and you haven’t been talking to me about anything lately. Why are you trying to hide your pain? Did I do something wrong to you?”

     You felt tears rising. They came pouring out before you could try to stop them. You started shaking and sobbing. Every breath you had to take in felt like a knife being thrusted into you. “It’s all my fault,” is what you had started with. 

     “I’m leaving you to do everything at the shop, I can’t be as neat or organized as you, my parents haven’t spoken to me ever since I came out them and they told me that I’m not their child anymore when I tried to talk to them again, you seem so busy with the shop and I didn’t want to bother you and make you think I’m just a burden and you’ll just want to kick me out onto the streets, I’m not a perfect as you, I didn’t get good grades like you in high school or college, my family always held a preference for my younger sibling since they thought they would be better than me and, guess what, they were right, I’m just a nobody, I’ve faded out of a lot of people's lives and no one has ever really noticed me because I’m just average, you didn’t do anything wrong to me, don’t you see, it’s my fault! It always is!” 

     You took deep breaths after the info dump and tried to escape back to your room again, you didn’t want to see Jaehee’s face after you said all of that, she knew little of your life before because you always tried to forget, but you never could. Your past always came back to haunt you and it ruined you, you tried as hard as you could to repress it and live a somewhat normal life but there was always a voice that prevented that, that prevented you from doing the things you like. You always tried to ignore it but it was loud to the point where it gave you headaches, it was the reason you were awake at night, the reason that you had felt like anything you did was for nothing. That voice was, at least what you called it, an annoying asshole that doesn’t know when to back off. You turned away from her after your brief moment of wide-eyed panic, the tears you were trying so hard to hold back were now falling and you held no point in trying to stop them. You began walking back to your room, thinking about how much stuff you would need to pack up and about places where you could live where rent was cheap for you. You held on so tightly to your arms that you managed to leave cresent indents in them.

     Jaehee hugged you from behind, you kept trying to walk towards your room but due to the strength she had from all her years of taekwondo you had been barely able to move a centimeter. She felt the tears falling from you drop on her and instead of trying to wipe them off, she let them stay and just let you cry and cry and cry. She had you turn around to face her and rubbed her thumbs gently under your eyes, still letting tears fall from them. “Y/N, I’m glad you finally had enough trust to open up to me,” is what made you stop crying.

     “I don’t mind that it came out by a way of angry outburst but it means that you were able to finally talk about something that you always tried to hide and forget. Your emotions and health were always very important to me and on your worst days when you just stayed in your room and hid from me, it made me concerned about how you were on those days. I always wanted to help you, Y/N, and I know this has started off rough but we can always work on it more to make it better. I know I can’t completely cure you from this but I can help you feel better even if it’s just by one little thing.”

     You started crying again, not from your own anger or sadness but this time from happiness. Happiness over the fact that someone is willing to help you, happiness over the fact that she admitted that she can’t get rid of your disorder but she can help you manage it. You cried over the fact that she was your first love and she helped you get the confidence to leave our toxic household and move in with her. You cried over the fact that she helped you learn how to manage her coffee shop and let you learn at your pace instead of trying to rush you. You were crying because you tried to push her away so much on you worst days and she still kept by your side.

     “Y/N, you’re not alone, I’ll be here for you, I made that promise to you when we first met and I intend to keep it, if you’re having one of your worst days, tell me, I’ll make popcorn and tea and we can cuddle on the couch and watch Zen’s movies. I’ll help you if you feel like you’re struggling on something, like cleaning your room. I’ll print out reminders and motivational pictures for you. You didn’t give up on me when I wanted to rebel from Jumin, so why would I give up on you?”

     She gave you a peck on the lips, you gave her a small smile and let her gently pull you over to the couch. You now had the small confidence to ignore the asshole as you called that voice. You now had a new definition of shelter, and its name was Jaehee.

**Author's Note:**

> so... i mainly took inspiration from my own relapses from self harm and bipolar depression,,


End file.
